Turn off my Brain

I wish that I could just switch off my brain sometimes.  Like a light bulb, poof, it's off, no more thoughts to nag at me.  As good as my life is, I am still plagued with the thoughts of "something more."  Am I doing all I can with my life?  Am I following the right path?  Can I still make a difference in the lives of others? 

I love the theatre.  I love my job, but sometimes I wonder if it is where I am suppose to be.  I know I've been given these talents and passions for a reason.  I love the people.  I love the plays.  I love the human connections.  So why is it harder and harder for me to step up to the challenge?

I've let my "calling" supersede my physical and emotional well-being.  I have not made my physical or emotional health a priority.  I think my body is kicking at me and saying "attention must be paid."  These old habits are hard to break.  I didn't have the option of not working long days for a good while.  The work had to get done, but surely I could have found more time for myself.

It seems like I'm being pulled in so many directions and everyone has an opinion about what I should be doing or how I should be doing it.  I am always open to suggestions of how I can improve myself or the work and I take many of those ideas and thoughts to heart and appreciate them.  But sometimes I just grow weary.

I am weary.  I am unhealthy and exhausted.  Still I press on.  I just pray that I can accept myself and be willing to do whatever it takes to get back to that "healthy" place again.  And if I am suppose to be doing something else, I hope God uses a big neon sign or the Goodyear blimp to let me know...cause right now I'm not sure I'd notice anything less than that.  And maybe the lack of a sign means I'm doing what I'm suppose to be doing and that I just need a nap.